You And Your Partner

Many of us have fallen in love a number of times. And each time, we fall in love with the thought that we have finally found the right person, the Mr/Ms Right for whom we have been waiting so long. And yet every time we fall out of love realizing that she is not the person we were ideally looking for.


Choosing the perfect life partner has never been an easy task. We often make the mistake of driving into conclusion that we have found our soulmate and rush into marriage. Shortly after which we realize the mistake we made and the bliss of happy married life vanishing right before our eyes. And all that we are left with is utter hopelessness and depression. And this further leads to both the partners cheating on one another and then ultimately leads to divorce.

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages of a relationship. Sexual attraction blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming physical fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together. Truly fortunate partners manage to become longtime friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadnesses and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

Laughter is one clue to compatibility. It tells you how much you will enjoy each other’s company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. If you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn dour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

Look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing blinds them to the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually, the two of you will not respect each other.


Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides within the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable chasm that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

Take the time to choose a partner carefully and well. Then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your life. Miracle is a powerful word, and I choose it carefully. But there is a miracle in marriage – the miracle of transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will bloom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If we have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If we have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, or we do not tend our marriage with care, then the bloom will be flawed.

If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience.

However, finding our perfect match is not an impossible task. All that we need is to have the right mind-set with a practical approach. Each one of us has clearly defined characteristics about what we look for in our perfect match. The easiest thing to do is to put it down on a plane paper. Jot down all the qualities that you want your partner to possess, think of what you would do if s/he pops up right before you this instant. Go over it and strike all that sounds phony and unrealistic.


We are normal human beings with both negative and positive traits. So it is not possible for a person to possess all the positive traits. Each one of us has different ideals, belief and faith. And this is what makes us a different and unique individual.

You cannot force upon someone to think like the way you want him/her to. So be prepared to accept minor differences that your partner might possess. However, if you want to develop a relationship then both of you must share some common interests. Relationships are not simply built on the ground of love and sexual satisfaction. Both of you must be compatible with one another and share mutual understanding.

Yet there might be some striking differences with which both of you must live with as you have to maintain your individuality despite being a couple. Learn to compromise and overlook the differences.

The best thing to do is instead of looking for the perfect partner; seek for the person who is right for you. Bless the person with love and care, warmth and comfort, who is reaching out to you. Be prepared for surprises and miracles and open to experiment.